All the Bright Places

Synopsis:

Theodore Finch is fascinated by death, and he constantly thinks of ways he might kill himself. But each time, something good, no matter how small, stops him. Violet Markey lives for the future, counting the days until graduation, when she can escape her Indiana town and her aching grief in the wake of her sister’s recent death. When Finch and Violet meet on the ledge of the bell tower at school, it’s unclear who saves whom. And when they pair up on a project to discover the ‘natural wonders’ of their state, both Finch and Violet make more important discoveries: It’s only with Violet that Finch can be himself – a weird, funny, live-out-loud guy who’s not such a freak after all. And it’s only with Finch that Violet can forget to count away the days and start living them. But as Violet’s world grows, Finch’s begins to shrink. How far will Violet go to save the boy she has come to love?

Summary:

A brilliantly conceived but heart-breaking story about two teenagers who find friendship and love in the most unlikeliest of places, and slowly learn to live again in a world they want to leave behind.

My thoughts:

Admittedly, this book stirred up a lot of feelings and emotions that I was not prepared for. I cried repeatedly for a good half hour, and broke down in public at random intervals in the days that followed. I’ve deliberately left myself time to stew over this book, as if I had written it in the hours after the aftermath of those final pages, you’d be reading a garbled mess right now.

I wanted to laugh, I wanted to smile, I wanted to cry, I was filled with such raw emotion, my body just didn’t know how to deal with it.

This book will break you.

As my friends will know, this is not my type of book. I pretty much hated TFIOS (sorry folks) – one of the few times I did branch away into real world teen – and this looked like it would be pretty similar but dealing with themes of suicide and mental illness instead.

That being said, I was hooked from the start. Jennifer Niven pulls no punches starting us off at the top of a Bell Tower with two teens that are not there to take in the view. Both are contemplating jumping off, one more seriously than the other, and after realizing they are not alone, slowly talk each other down.

Theodore Finch in many ways is the school rebel, loser and freak rolled into one. Often angry and spontaneous but very much alive and unprecedented, Finch to me was the star of this story. For me, his having bi-polar was who he was, one day he’d be Ruffian Finch, the next day he’d be 80’s Finch, there was just so much freedom in that except the harsh truth was that Finch wasn’t comfortable in his own skin.

Violet Markey is suffereing from PTSD after losing her sister in an unfortunate car accident. An accident that Violet blames herself for and wishes that she was the one who had died. Eleanor was the popular one, the bright spark that everyone knew and loved, not Violet. Violet was the after-thought, dragged along in the world of popularity whilst taking solace in her writing. After Eleanor’s death, their blogeleanorandviolet.com falls silent, and Violet can’t so much as write a page for fear of hidden emotions painfully bubbling back to the surface.

Both characters want to die but somehow find solace in each other and slowly start to learn how to live again.

It’s apparent that suicide is a huge theme from page 1. Finch is very much testing the Bell Tower out, imagining himself on the damp pavement below and feeling sorry for the coroner who would have to put him back together so he would resemble a human being again. Violet on the other hand comes to her senses at the last minute as someone calls her name from below and is very much surprised and panicked. Though we swiftly come away from this moment, we are constantly reminded, as well as both characters of the event, and the truth quickly becomes a blur.

Although it upsets me that both characters deeply conceal their feelings from their parents as well as their friends, and despite seeing help and continuing to deny their well being, I can completely relate. Having gone through a spout of depression myself at a younger age, isolation feels like the simplest answer. And Jennifer Nivendescribes every emotion and feeling with an expert hand, which is no surprise as the story itself is extremely personal to her.

Violet and Finch take turns narrating throughout the book and their voices are so realistic and pure and worlds apart. Finch is like a hamster, a little ball of energy up all hours of the night and day in fear of zoning out back into crippling depression where he literally misses out on huge chunks of his life, drifting from scene to scene like a zombie behind bars unable to pull the strings of his own body. Violet is the opposite, withdrawing from the world very much like Finch does involuntarily, avoiding people, avoiding assignments at school, pretty much avoiding living as she comes to grips with discovering who she is without her sister, and the truth is she doesn’t like that person. Their thoughts are laid bare and are extremely relatable to everyone, no matter what your situation or your age for that matter.

The most painful part of this book was the last quarter. I spent the last quarter gripping the book so hard fearing the worst. I didn’t want it to end because if it didn’t end, then the worst wouldn’t happen.

And it hurt.

Many will find this book heart-breakingly beautiful with reason. I think everyone will take away something different from the story and on the whole, I hope that that thing is positive.

If you are reading this, and have suffered from any form of depression or mental illness or past trauma, and have been compelled to have similar thoughts, I cannot stress enough the important of seeking help and talking it out with friends and family, they are your lifeline and they will understand. You are not alone.

Final Thoughts:

Beautiful and sorrowful in its own right, expertly delivered in a memorable package that will become a Bright Place for those out their who think they’re alone. Truthful and life changing.